Prof Diggleby’s Request

“There’s a Monster at the End of this Scenario”, By Nathan Decker

Intro: The players are members of an aspiring group of investigators who call themselves “Society iNvestigating Occult & Odd Paranormal Situations (SNOOPS)”. They (4 so far) receive an urgent request from a rather unique professor at Miskatonic University.

Edgar Hamilton [Leslie]: 5’7” Dilettante. Dark, curly hair. Invites others to a bar.

Scott Howard [Julian]: 5’5” Student. Buzz cut brown hair from a rural background. In college on a scholarship. Hanging out, discussion tomorrow’s sailboat race with Teddy.

Teddy Harris [Bill]: 5’6” English Student. Cropped reddish hair, casual clothing, sweater vest but disheveled and glasses. Looks disorganized, clumsy.

“The” Jack Stone [Ray]: 5’9” Student. Wiry, fast, quick feet and hands. Wears slacks and univesity sweatshirt. Greased, jet black hair longer than others. Playing with a deck of cards. Agrees with Edgar, “How about a shady swing joint on the far side of town.”

6pm, Friday, October 14^th, 1940ish: Most of the campus had cleared out. Archie Ferguson (the group’s librarian) lit up a thick cigar and began to puff. The other members coughed and choked on the bluish cloud. “I didn’t notice that before.” 

Most though Jack was talking about the blue smoke till he pulled out a letter, written on standard university letterhead, “Poetic writer. Anyone heard of a Prof Diggleby, Esquire?” Edgar intrigued, “Never heard of him but interesting fellow; I’d like to take one of his courses.” Scott picked up on the man’s title, “Esquire… doesn’t that make him a lawyer? A professor of law?” Teddy more concerned, “It’s actually addressed to our society. We’re not that well-advertised; I wonder how he got our name? Does anyone want to fess up to actions that would require a lawyer? Should we be honored he knows us and asks for our help?”

Jack picked up on the poetry of the note, “Is he really a lawyer, or did he need to rhyme with ‘choir’ and chose the title ‘esquire’?” Teddy surmised, “Maybe it’s a play on words and he meant ex-choir, as in no longer a member. A soprano now.”

They followed Edgar’s idea to check for a university roster of professors at the library. Archie actually had a key to get in, since it was already closed. They found the list… the Professor listed at the end. “Everyone else listed alphabetical. As if he added after the fact. Yet it is the same font and type. Hum, most suspicious. But his office IS listed next to the choir.”

Sure enough, next to the choir practice room, next to a supply cabinet, was the tall, narrow door labeled “Prof Diggleby, Esq”. Jack knocked. A gravelly voice answered, “Yes, come in, come in. Ezekiel, rouse yourself.” They heard the sound of papers being shuffled. Inside the dimly lit room, light shone from a single lamp on the cluttered desk. What looked like the chest hump of a man was partially visible behind the desk. That gravelly voice, “Past my office hours; I’m closed. I’m quite busy.” Teddy pointed out, “But your letter said post-haste.”

From behind the papers, the upper part of a… puppet appeared… talking in that gravelly voice. Teddy the first to stifle a chuckle as he wondered why the hidden professor chose to perform his ventriloquist act with a puppet. But then the puppet stepped out into the open to stand atop the papers. “Ah, it’s you...SNOOPS! Yes, I was expecting you.” No visible hand up its butt! Teddy shocked as he cocked his head side to side to get a better angle. He even stepped behind the desk and found the real man slumped in his chair, both hands visible. Teddy nervously swiped his hands over the puppet to find the strings that controlled the marionette. Nope! Teddy quickly backpedaled for the door to gain distance.

Jack pinched himself to confirm not sleeping. Edgar was also baffled but silent as was Scott, lost for words. Teddy bravely inched forward to poke at Diggleby’s chest. “How dare you invade my personal space. That’s no way to treat my facility!” Edgar advised, “Teddy, be polite.” Scott found his voice, “You’re, you’re a puppet!” Prof Diggleby hurt, “Doesn’t matter if I have tenure or not.” Scott corrected himself, “No, no. I mean… you’re physically a puppet.” Again, Donald defended himself, “What does size have to do with it?” Donald turned to Edgar, “Do you have any idea what this young man is talking about?” Edgar explained, “Maybe it’s the lighting.” Teddy challenged, “Look in the mirror! You’re a puppet and that is a man slumped on the desk.”

Donald looked behind him, “Ezekiel, I said get up good man. We have company. Ezekiel Lingonberry, wake up! The people are here to talk to you.” The round, plump man roused and spoke in in a chorus of coughs, wheezes, and sneezes. Donald translated, “Yes, quite well said, sir. He said good that you came. And that we/he has a bit of a problem with the Lingonberry estate, and that you accomplished SNOOPS could help out.” Edgar asked Diggleberry to explain. “It’s Diggleby… not berry… D…I… double G…E… BY but pronounce BEE. Not Berry! Ezekiel needs help. He has to read a certain passage from a certain book, every decade, at prescribed day, before the stroke of midnight. And tonight, is the prescribed night.” Donald leaned in closer to make a point, “And the book…missing!”

Teddy still wasn’t convinced. He eyed the room and sniffed, as if suspecting a gas leak and them hallucinating. Edgar nudged Scott, “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?!” Scott was amazed, “And it’s talking to us!” Scott turned to Donald, “I’m sorry to be talking about you, sir. It’s just…with your stature, your reputation, you should be incredibly well known.” Edgar stared at the family picture on the wall, all members puppets. He asked, “This room so out-of-the-way. Have you lobbied for a better office? With your credentials, your diploma from…I can’t read it…Harfurd… you should have a better room.” Donald agreed, “At times I wonder if the faculty even knows if I exist. But we tarry; we are getting sidetracked by my uniqueness. It’s getting late, shall we go? Needs must. The fate of… the… WOORRRLLDD, the solar system, the universe may be at risk.” Edgar asked the importance of the book. “There is a certain passage…the Recital of Discrete Alignment. Quite important.” Jack took up the investigative needs, “So, professor, is the book still in the house somewhere?”

Donald now happy they accepted the task, “Ezekiel said the book was there this morning, but disappeared after lunch. Come. I’ll drive to the estate. We can search together.” Teddy laughed, “You’re too short to reach the pedals. How can YOU drive?!” Donald explained his own car, to which Teddy laughed, “You expect US to ride with you in a toy car?” Donald snorted, “Preposterous, you can’t fit in my car! It’s not a toy…it’s just…petite. You’ll have to ride with Lingonberry. You know, his family has carried out this ritual every ten years for centuries; since the middle ages. It must be someone from the Lingonberry lineage to recite the book. Tonight MUST be another chapter in that lineage to keep the dreaming and real world apart.” Jack tested his occult knowledge but never heard of such book. Teddy commented, “It’s not doing a good job because I think I’m dreaming. But I’ll play along. Shall we go?” Scott asked, “Before we go, can I get a picture with you?” Donald hopped on his shoulder, “This is my better side.” He smiled for the camera. Edgar decided to play along with the madness.

8pm: Donald hopped off Scott’s shoulder and led the way to his car as they followed to get in Lingonberry’s man-size car. 

They headed out of town and soon arrived at the estate, with its crooked tower and a few windows and exterior lamps also crooked (as if out-of-focus?). Donald parked inside a smaller garage while Ezekiel parked in a human sized garage. Edgar and Scott couldn’t help but notice the family graveyard with two distinct type of headstones: regular size and others child-size. They weren’t about to say puppet-size. But Jack was drawn to a side window slightly open. He approached to find something in the bushes below the window. A tuff of purple…String? Yarn? The same texture as Donald’s hair. Jack put it in his pocket as evidence. Edgar looked through the window to recognize a library. Scott noticed scratches vertical on the siding and indentations on the windowsill, “Claw and bite marks?”

Donald led the way inside where they were greeted by a human butler taking their coats and hats as Diggleby made a beeline to the dining room where the rest of the Lingonberry family sat around a table full of food. Some real, some fake and maybe plastic. A plastic potato with eyes… not potato eyes but blinking eyes. Just like the eyes on a couple of candelabras. Scenes that the inspectors began to accept as par-for-the-course with Diggleby. Hanging on the wall was a Lingonberry family portrait: a younger Ezekiel next to his wife and two children. The inspectors leaned in to realize Ezekiel human while his wife and kids puppets. Teddy munched on a fry as he studied the painting. “Do you mind not slobbering on me?” Teddy realized the fry talking to him. He gently put it back on the table.

Dinner Guests

·         Prof Donald D (for Danger) Diggleby, Esquire (puppet)

·         Ezekiel Lingonberry (human client)- speaks in a chorus of coughs, wheezes, and sneezes.

·         Malloy Lingonberry (deceased puppet wife in the picture)

·         Dwayne Lingonberry (eldest puppet son; slightly taller and always exercising body but not brain)

·         Cecil Lingonberry (younger nerdy looking puppet son; the more intelligent)

·         Harold Goner (human spitting image of Clark Gable ). At the table eating real cookies.

·         Bianca Wyrmwood (human, by the book, ritual leader and supervisor).

Dwayne spoke, “Who invited you to come eat our food?” Prof Diggleby introduced the investigators, “I hired them to help locate the book.” Donald then turned to the team and whispered, “They all know the book is missing, except for Bianca. She’s the leader of TOMIE (Tome Operation, Maintenance, Inspection & Enforcement) at Miskatonic. Don’t tell her as she’ll get upset, considering she came all this way to observe the ritual.” Dwayne complained to Ezekiel, “Dad, can we wrap this up, I wanna go to the gym.” Edgar scanned the room for anyone purple-haired without success. He whispered, “Tell me Prof Diggleby, is there anyone who would gain if the book not found?” Donald paused as he considered, “There are rumors of a cult that might want it stopped.”

Teddy asked to see the library, the scene of the theft. Bookcases lined the walls and were filled top to bottom with books. In the center of the room, a pedestal with a glass case on top. Obviously broken on opposite sides. Jack walked around the room to line up the breaks and realized them aligned as if from the open window to the table beyond the pedestal. The broken glass inside the case and that outside on the other side implied a projectile from the window to the table. Jack found the human-sized baseball near the table had shards of imbedded glass. Edgar scanned the book spines to get a feel for the collection: a lot about berry picking and berry preservation. Books on all topics of fruits and berries and their horticultural care. A few slots open as if that book missing. They found a thrown away cookbook in the trashcan that was minus a few pages. And slobber on the remaining portions of the book.

Teddy looked closer at the bookcase. His suspicion: that someone cut themselves on the broken glass and left blood or more tuffs of purple hair to confirm a potential suspect. Up close, he saw more claw and bite marks climbing the pedestal and latched on the edge to maybe grab inside. But no signs of blood or purple tuffs. Teddy asked about pets to which Ezekiel grumbled no. Meanwhile, Edgar inspected the ball and found it labeled “DWAN”. Edgar asked, “Anyone in the habit of throwing balls in the house?” Donald translated Ezekiel, “The library is off limits. Some don’t respect its content. Dwayne doesn’t realize books aren’t for eating even if they tasty topics. He sees pictures of tasty jams… ”

Teddy returned to the Dining room to check out Dwayne (who was busy lifting weights), to see if there was a bulge at his waist. Evidence of an eaten book. Teddy gently grabbed Dwayne to move him in front of a mirror, “You can see your results better over here.” But really, grabbed him to feel for a book. As he squeezed, Dwayne wheezed a cloud of purple confetti. Chewed book pages, that if you pieced together would show a page out of a cookbook on jams.  Dwayne covered his mouth in embarrassment, “I was hungry for a snack. The book looked tasty. Say, you seem kind of strong yourself. if you are interested, I have more weights. You could jon me. I could show you to my gir…” Dwayne made a quick glance toward Bianca, then finished his sentence, “Giraffe as he’s about your height. Sorry man, gotta gets my reps in.” Thinking he started to say ‘gar…age’, Teddy headed outside to search the puppet garage. Nothing. No book stashed in a small car trunk. He returned to find the others talking about “maybe he was going to say girl.” Teddy asked Jack, “How do you strongarm a puppet to make him talk? We only have a few hours left?” Jack suggested, “Dwayne doesn’t seem that bright. We could just try to confuse him to get him to spill the beans.” Donald overheard, "Preposterous. They don't have beans in the house. Only jams."

In the background, Wayne was grunting as he lifted weights. Teddy grabbed some books to join in as he too lifted his own weights, “This is a pretty good idea, Dwayne.” But Dwayne slowed as he starred at the colorful cooking books with mouthwatering images. He started to lift faster to distract his own thoughts. Meanwhile Jack was focused on Harold at the table, eating more cookies. 

Something familiar about him, “Excuse me, has anyone every told you, you look like Clark Gable but with a mustache?” Harold was caught with a mouthful of crumbs he coughed up. “Hee, hee. Come on man.” As if he embarrassed about being caught. Scott asked for a picture, “How cool to have a picture with a celebrity.” Teddy asked, “So what brought you to the estate?”

Harold began, “Funny you should ask…” The lights in the room suddenly went out. “Scamper, scamper, scamper…” Scott felt little claws climbing his legs for it to then spring towards Harold. “Ugh.” A warm splash of blood coated Scott. Even in the dark, Scott knew what happened. 

And it confirmed when Edgar clicked on his lighter to reveal some purple thing scampering out the room, as a slit-throat Harold still had his arm leaning on Scott’s shoulder before the body collapsed to the floor, dislodging the fake mustache. Sanity check! Scott squealed in horror as he stepped backwards. Edgar scanned the room to realize Cecil missing.

Jack took off running after the purple thing, following it up the stairs to the second floor. Hearing Jack’s call of its path, Edgar headed for the kitchen stairs in hopes of trapping it between the two of them. As for Scott, he looked for napkins on the table to clean the blood off his face and hands, still in shock.  Diggleby offered his help cleaning the distraught man. Teddy picked up Dwayne and squeezed him, "You were going to show me something earlier. Girlfriend? Bianca?! Does she have purple pets?”

Jack closed on the creature as it angled for the tower. Edgar rounded the corner, close behind. Family pictures lined the hallway. Jack lunged for the leg of the puppet-size creature but only managed to grab a tuff of purple hair from the whirling dervish thing. “Damn, I wish Scott was here, he’s more athletic. SCOTT!!!” Meanwhile, Bianca pinched her nose bridge at the reveal of their tryst. Dwayne confessed, “Dad wouldn’t understand, so we keep it secret.” Teddy turned to join the others who had the creature cornered on the stairs, climbing the dark tower.

Jack pointed the way for Scott arriving. Teddy suggested, “We don’t need the creature. We need the book. I’ll look around here. You could climb to see if he put it in the tower attic.” While the trio climbed, Teddy checked the bedrooms, first grabbing a blanket to offer, “Throw this on the feisty thing, it so fast.” His own actions dislodged a puppet-size book from under the mattress, “The Violet Beast and You! Achieving Your Desires Through Ritual Summoning Made Easy!” Other items confirmed this as Cecil’s room. Teddy called out his find to the others. Dog-eared pages had pictures of the purple creature they chased with images on how to banish it: series of pictures showing knights clubbing it, others clubbing a wizard, then thumbs up over the bodies. X’s on the eyes of the bodies. Basically ‘whack-a-mole’.

As the trio continued toward the creature, Teddy checked Dwayne’s room and found his baseball bat. Teddy ignored the book “Reading for Dummies” as he turned to join the others. By now, Scott entered the attic (shrunk in size) where he found a lot of stored stuffs. 

And a rocker in the middle of the room where the creature sat, wearing a fake mustache. As if disguise. Scott played along, “Oh, I’m looking for a monster. Have you seen it go by?” He edged closer to get in range to throw the sheet. Jack joined in the charades, “I wonder where it went?” Edgar was behind, at the door, trying to talk to it. Its garbled words, and Edgar played along as if he understood to add distraction. Scott threw the blanket. Edgar lunged to trap it but the blanket empty. And that’s when Edgar saw the creature standing on a crate, ripped its stache off, and jumped at Edgar, who just managed to roll out of the way.

Jack once more tried to grab the beast. As he held it as it squirmed, Edgar looked for a window sash to cut off the cord to tie up the beast. Scott balled a fist and struck it. Teddy entered to whack it with the miniature bat. “THUMP!” It was lifeless in Jack’s hands; its eyes Xed out. Teddy not convinced it really dead but realized Edgar’s knots not solid (sail boating skill), “You need a square knot or a bowline.” Edgar quipped, “What does it matter now, you killed the thing!”

And that’s when Diggleby appeared, “What’s all this ruckus about? My god, what is that thing?! It’s horrible.” Donald shook off his shock, “I came to tell you terrible news. Cecil has dropped dead.” Edgar was pissed Teddy killed their source of news. They resorted to searching the attic where they found Dwayne’s dufflebag with a picture of he and Bianca at the fair. They returned to the boys’ rooms downstairs. Cecil’s room had a number of purple bathrobes and receipts of him spending too much on various trips, and a note that his father was going to cut off his allowance because of that. It was Jack who found the required book in Dwayne's room with a note attached, “I stole it, Dwayne.” Diggleby looked in, “You found it! Quick, give it to Ezekiel. He has only minutes before midnight!” Ezekiel cleared his throat as he opened the book and read, “You gotta keep 'em separated.” The investigators waited for more. Silence. "That’s it?” They realized they could actually understand Ezekiel that time as they also heard and felt a “Snap!”

EPILOGUE

They all woke up with their heads on the table of their society meeting room with dissipating blue smoke. Archie poked his head in, “Uh guys, I’m going to close up. Are you about done in here?” Jack leaned back in his chair, “I had the weirdest dream." Teddy asked, “Archie, what did you put in those brownies?” They all quickly rushed past Archie as they headed across campus to the choir room. No narrow door labeled “Prof Diggleby, Esq”. Scott scratched his buzz-cut head and pulled up his pant legs to look for scratch marks. A rash he scratched but no claw marks. All thoroughly convinced they had a similar dream. “Maybe we were talking in our sleep and thus influenced each other’s dreams.” It was a weak, scared chuckle as they each went their separate way. As Jack reached for his car keys, a tuff of purple hair fell out.

A few weeks later, Teddy took the stage in his acting class with a dummy on his lap. His ventriloquism sucked and his manipulation too. The audience booed.

BEHIND THE SCREEN

The ritual was a real thing that needed to be performed every decade, midnight of October 14^th. With the ritual book out of its case, the boundary layer between the real and dreamland worlds began to fracture. The society’s meeting room was sucked into the dreamworld. Prof Diggleby sensed their arrival and sent the recital request, inviting their investigatory skills.

The recital must be read at midnight every decade by a member of the Lingonberry line in order to keep the dreaming world and real world from aligning. Alas, Cecil grew bored of the jam lifestyle and thus desired for the two worlds to join in hopes of adding a little "spice" to his world. And as payback to his father who had stopped his allowance. As an aspiring cultist with the needed spell book, he summoned the Violet Beast to open the window, throw the ball to break the case, then steal the recital book. When the family came to investigate, Cecil angled the lamp on DWAN’s baseball to point the blame on his brother. Then there was the purple cookbook to add to the appearance of guilt. And of course, the note stuck to the book with Dwayne’s name spelled correctly. A mistake as Dwayne was illiterate and spelled his name DWAN.